AFTER EARNING my degree in broadcast journalism, I was fortunate to land a job as a disc jockey at a top-rated local radio station. One day before work, I stopped by my parents' house, where my mother was chatting with some friends. She introduced me to everyone and proudly mentioned that I had my own radio show. "How is it having a son who's a popular radio personality? Asked one friend. "It's wonderful!" Mom replied with glee. "For the first time in his life, I can turn him off whenever I please." MY MUSICAL DIRECTOR wasn't happy with the performance of one of our percussionists. Repeated attempts to get the drummer to improve failed. Finally, in front of the orchestra, the director said in frustration, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument, they take it away, give him two sticks and make him a drummer!" A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor." ONE OF OUR school's math teachers was giving a lesson on fractions and wrote an example on the chalkboard. He explained that the numerator was the top and the denominator was the bottom. Leaning against the board, he asked the class, "Are there any questions?" When he turned back to face the board, laughter filled the room. "Mr. Longshore," one student giggled, "you have chalk dust all over your denominator!" WHEN I picked up my wife from work one afternoon, she seemed irritated. She confessed that the day hadn't gone well and on top of everything else, a young customer had addressed her as "ma'am." "I'm not that old," she insisted. "I deserve more respect!" She vented the whole way home while hitting the scan button on the radio. Finally I asked, "What are you looking for?" She replied, "The oldies station." MY NURSING colleague was preparing an intravenous line for a 15-year-old male patient. The bedside phone rang, and the boy's mother reached over to pick it up. After talking for a few minutes, the mother held the phone aside, turned to her son and said, "Your dad is asking if you've got any cute nurses." The boy gazed at the nurse, who had the needle poised above his arm, ready for insertion. "Tell him," he replied, "they're absolutely gorgeous."